Grell Sutcliffe User's Guide
by xXHanamizukiXx
Summary: Yes, we all love that crazy crossdressing shinigami: but can you imagine OWNING him? As in, having him live in your house?   Dear god...either you're a diehard fan or you just want to commit suicide in an interesting way.


Dedicated to Anita aka Squishy and Lucy, aka WTH IS THIS THING?

Owner's Guide and Manual: Grell Sutcliffe

Congrats! You are now the owner of a GRELL SUTCLIFFE unit! In order to properly take care of your red-headed transvestite, we INSIST you read the following:

Your crimson Shinigami comes with:

1) Two brown-striped vests

2) Two white dress shirts

3) Two black dress pants

4) One blood-stained red women's coat, courtesy of Madam Red's Dead Corpse Clothing Company

5) Two black dress shoes

6) One red camera (labeled Wine of Death)

7) One red chainsaw

8) One pair of red women's glasses, with chain

9) One makeup kit for the go

10) One Sebastian plushie

11) EXTRA: Ophelia's Crimson Dress, also made by Madam Red's Dead Corpse Clothing Company

We are not responsible for any physical or extreme mental damage, and marital issues caused by this particularly flamboyant unit. Also, the Grell Sutcliffe has a tendency to go streaking. To avoid possible lawsuits by offended (and scarred) bystanders, we suggest you keep your Grelly clothed. FULLY clothed. A little church boy's outfit DOES NOT count.

In order to remove your Grell unit:

1) Get a SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS unit. Scream loudly that Sebastian is willing to do it with the Grell unit. The Grell unit will come right out and scream something with "love, death, and Sebby-chan" in it. The disgusted/offended Sebastian unit will injure the Grell unit, but since your Grell unit is a highly durable Shinigami, he won't be permanently injured.

2) Say that Sebastian is banging that nun again.

3) Say that Sebastian has come over to play and brought a loooooong toy over. (It's a whip, you nasty minded people. Jeez.)

Grelly Welly comes in several modes:

Normal and Rabid: His usual flamboyant self, this...MANEATER will go around buying fishnet stockings, comment on your looks today, stalk Sebastian, and do whatever the hell crazy Shinigamis do.

OOC: (Out of Character) I bet you people can't imagine Grell acting like William T. Spears. I mean, even when he's being serious and explaining something, Grell has this grin on his face.

Fangirl/boy/this person has gender issues (cough LUCY cough): Grell will stalk Sebastian, relentlessly. So uh...expect him to be gone for a while. Yeah.

Boyfriend/Girlfriend/Itfriend: Self-explanatory, but for the life of me I cannot comprehend why girls find guys that think they're girls attractive.

Jobs:

Shinigami: Soul reaper, bleh bleh bleh, you know the drill.

Demolition-er/What is this?: With almost complete immunity to most injuries, Grell can destroy your school with that trusty chainsaw in no time. He may complain of a broken nail.

Historian: He's immortal. Enough said.

Bodyguard: The manga author even said it herself: Grell is the second most powerful character in the Kuroshitsuji series. Although he's easygoing, so that's why William pwns him. Like, every day he decides to slack off, or show Will his new lacy thong, or rant about Sebastian's talents and qualities, and goes on and onnnnnn...

Blackmail: Oh yeah, your Grell Unit has access to the Shinigami Library and Life Records: With these books you can scare the shit out of people by telling them EVERY SINGLE EMBARRASSING MOMENT that ever happened to them. Heh, your Grelly unit will have lots of fun with this job.

Food:

Eats pretty much anything. He likes Sebastian's cooking and now seems to enjoy Mongolian tea with rock salt.

Cleaning:

The little flirt! He definitely will ask you to join him...but you should decline, get your Sebastian unit, and reprogram him to Yaoi Lovers Edition Mode. Ta-da...there's a lemon occuring right in your bathtub. Let's hope they clean up after themselves.

Questions and Answers:

Q: My Grell seems to have dropped his crush on Sebastian and is now going after the 87-yr old man next door.

A: OMFG BRING HIM BACK RIGHT NOW. Unless if you want to see Grell glomp an old man (shudders)

Q: I brought him to Ru Paul's show and now he's walking around the house wearing drag and calling himself "Giselle Satklaff".

A: Doesn't he already do that?

Q: I got a weird silver-haired guy that likes eating my dog's biscuits. What should I do?

A: Hah, you have received an UNDERTAKER unit. This creepy mortician would be handy to have around...if you were dead. Also, he's a necrophile. Don't fall asleep in the open when it's night time or he may mistake you for a corpse...and you know the rest. O_O


End file.
